Recommend a movie

[Vultural]

Sharknado - 2013 - 2/10

To paraphrase a Spinal Tap review.
Sharknado = Sh!tnado.
Hurricane slams into Santa Monica, after having sucked hundreds of sharks into its whirlwinds.
Flying sharks apparently have no problem breathing air, and they bite off limbs and heads of passing humans.
Streets fill with water, even in the hills of Beverly Hills, and sharkies swim from living rooms to dining rooms to ... dine!
Terrible acting, awful script, mindless direction, crapo music, especially bad CGI.

Start pouring before you start watching.

Followed by sequels.

John Heard uncannily resembles Brian Wilson.  Other producers should have picked up on that.

Edited May 26, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

Star Wars - XXX - 2012 - ??/10

My my my.  I gave a friend, huge Star Wars fanatic, a couple of fanedits.
Next time I visit, he makes a big production - in front of his new girlfriend - of giving me one from his stash.
“See, I’m getting rid of them,”  he says, loudly.
If porn is your thing - know thyself - then you already own this parody.
Two hours of Jedi porn with upraised sabers, wookie meat, Darth’s interrogating tool, Obi’s wand.
Yes, some of us get all the luck.

To be fair, there were several funny moments in this beat for beat riff on the familiar story.
Hell, half the lines were script paraphrases.
For me, bam bang sequences were unimaginative, overlong, and repetitive.
During multiple bout orgy at the Mos Eisley cantina, the band played the damn cantina theme for 30 minutes!
Surely the producers could have jizzed up a couple other tunes on a cheapo casio keyboard.

Edited May 26, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

Dark City - 1950 - 6/10

Opening credits read,  ‘Introducing Charlton Heston,’ but make no mistake, he is the star.
Weak faux noir from Paramount has Chuck, Jack Webb and Ed Begley fleecing a small time courier out of 5G he’s carrying for a larger, stronger mob.
The courier is soon whacked, and the easy score grows more dangerous.
Heston’s character meanders around from rat to shyster to sorta good guy.
Ex-girlfriend Lizabeth Scott sings three songs, which struck me as padding, unless she’s your kind of canary.
An OK enough drama, but if you want gloomy, fatal noir, seek elsewhere.

Edited May 26, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

Sharknado 2: The Second One - 2014 - 3/10

Was this film really necessary?
Of course!
C’mon, you have two tornadoes approaching Manhattan.  Both filled with sharks!
(never dolphins, piranha, goldfish, surfers).
Plus a giant snowstorm!  (no bears, wolves or hockey goalies, alas)
Add has-beens and dubious celebrities (Judd Hirsch, Kelly Osbourne, Billy Ray Cyrus, Downtown Julie Brown, et al)
What’d ya got?  90 minutes of labored stupidity.
Better budget than the first film, though this more self-conscious and  tries too hard.
The hero remains dumber than a biscuit.  Film introduces his still-smokin hot high school flame.
He prefers ol divorced stretch face.
I’m yelling at the screen,  “Jump hottie!  Dump botox!”

Edited May 27, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

The Duchess - 2008 - 5/10

Surprise.  Keira Knightley botches another costume drama.
This time she plays 17th century Georgiana Spenser, great-great-great -- you know, of the Spenser family.
Tale of lady involved in politics and scandals, helped by great costumes and location sets.
As always, Knightley is simply too modern for such a part, showing her limited range of smirks, squints and pouts.  
Everyone else is quite fine, notably Ralph Fiennes and Charlotte Rampling.
To be honest, females around me enjoyed this more than I.

Edited May 26, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

Best Offer - 2013 - 7/10

Intriguing arthouse mystery of greed, deception, obsession, fraud.
Accent on art house, as this takes place in the high end world of auctions and collectors.
Geoffrey Rush plays evaluator / owner of Sotheby’s type establishment.
He gets wind of an estate in a run down house.
Within are treasures.
A fabulously looking film that unfolds, quite literally, like a clockwork mechanism.
“Onion layer” story, as one level of the narrative is exposed, another is revealed.
Clues scattered in plain sight, snapping tight at the end.

Edited May 26, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

About Time - 2013 - 6/10

Upon his 21st birthday, Tim is informed males in his family have always been able to time travel.
Not go into the future, only the past.  Only their own past, and even then there are a few restrictions which he discovers.
What he really has is a “reset switch.”  Return to the near past, for example, and correct dating faux pas.
Warm, feel good movie from the folks who brought you Four Weddings and Love Actually.
Humor offset by sentimentality, bittersweet, and tragic moments.
For pure laugh out loud fare, this ain’t it.
That said, others around me who watched this did laugh out loud, teared up, and applauded at the end.
They would rate this higher, I am sure.

Edited May 26, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

Big Sur - 2013 - 7/10

Languid adaptation of Kerouac’s novel, focusing on a couple of stays at Ferlinghetti’s mountain cabin.
Slow going and meandering, yet enjoyable for fans of the author and the Beats.
Kerouac is older here, haggard, and well on his way to alcoholism.
Opening paraphrase sums up the curse of fame and expectation -
 “All over America high school and college kids are thinking Jack Kerouac is 26 years old and on the road hitchhiking, while there I am, almost 40 years old, bored and jaded,”
Might be difficult for those who know the Beats only through movies, and not their works.

Edited May 27, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

Radio Days - 1987 - 8/10

Shimmering 40s nostalgia.  My go-to movie for those who say they don’t like Woody Allen films.
Tall tales and anecdotes from Old Time Radio’s golden age.
Interspersed with various members of a struggling Rockaway family.
Comic situations and laughs come fast and often, with tons of cameos (Tito Puente, Kitty Carlisle, Diane Keaton, Larry David).
Likely the most personal of Allen’s films, or at least the most revealing of his childhood, and early years as a gag writer.  Highly exaggerated, to be sure, but packed with unforgettable moments.

Edited May 26, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

Blue Jasmine - 2013 - 7/10

Meticulously composed, beautifully acted tale of sheltered character’s tumble from the rarefied strata to the take-out life.
Aside from Blancett’s standout performance, everyone is top notch, especially some of the surprise casting.
Baldwin gets overlooked a bit, yet his presence is always felt, and his absence more so.
Wonderful cinematography.  The lushness of Jasmine’s gilt life contrasts with the cramped, dime store world her sister inhabits.
Plot wise, Allen holds revelations till the end, and one feels attitudes and allegiances to characters shift.
Ostensibly a spiral yarn, the skeleton of the story keeps the viewer returning to the rarefied sphere throughout.

Edited May 26, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

The Wildest Dream - Conquest Of Everest - 2010 - 7/10

Modern documentary retracing George Mallory’s 1924 Mt Everest attempt, which ended in his and his companion’s disappearance.  His frozen body, with compound fracture, was found in 1999.
1924 was near the end of the glory years of the old explorers.  Both poles, darkest Africa, perfumed Asia, tropical South America, all have been trekked.  Only that peak remained to be claimed.
Two modern climbers retraced Mallory’s path, wearing layered clothing, fur hats, hobnail boots, goggles.
The ladder, placed near the top in the 70s (and used since by countless handicapped, overweight, blind wannabee mountaineers) was removed.
Film swings back and forth between Mallory, his letters, the 20s and the difficulties the modern duo encounter.
Cold as Hell.

Edited May 27, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

Grand Piano - 2013 - 6/10

Variation on the “locked room” mystery.
Reclusive pianist (Elijah Wood) makes a stage comeback after his mentor’s death.
Once onstage, he sees a written note and earpiece, then warnings to play faultlessly or die.
A laser on the sheet music, and silencer gun strike on the floor convince him.
Clues arrive slowly, as do reasons.  More tension than action, with the narrative rarely leaving the stage.
OK time waster if the only alternative is television fodder.
John Cusack provides the voice of the villain.

Edited May 26, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

The Hunt - 2012 - 6/10
AKA - Jagten

Harrowing character study, with Mads Mikkelsen as kindergarten teacher.
After a five year old tells that he showed his erection, his life is royally and totally frakked.
Barring a miracle, there is no way a blot like that will ever wash clean.
Everyone in the village turns against him.  Though it never said why, one suspects he could not leave while police investigations were ongoing.  So he lived amidst escalating resentment, fear and hatred.
Almost to a soul, everyone took the child’s story as gospel.
This gets really ugly.

I saw this happen first hand, when a regular customer of the store where I worked was accused by a twelve year old.  He was a math teacher, and completely exonerated.

Transpired the student launched accusations after being displeased with poor grades.
The man was released by the school, the district would not employ him, he could not find work within 100 miles.
He eventually relocated across the country.

Couple years later, a rep from the school district visited the music store.
District honchos had heard there were five guys with BA degrees in Art, English, and History, toiling for budget wages.
The district was desperate for male, “role model” teachers.
Despite financial proposals that were quadruple our meager record store salary, we all refused.
Citing how every single year, it seemed some poor male teacher was accused, cleared, yet ruined.
The stench of accusal, especially related to children, never disappears.

Edited May 26, 2020 by Vultural

[taytoy]

Vultural

 

I've been reading all your reviews since the beginning (movie or TV series).

 

You should create a blog, I would follow it and eagerly await for an 8/10 from you, let alone higher ().

[Vultural]

^ ^  Appreciate your comments, but the world does need yet another blog, especially one with my scribbling..

 

My reviews are Spartan, limited to an image and the barest of comments,

Just enough to get the gist of the film.

I rarely post mainstream or popular releases.  You can find those on all social network joints.

I try not to be too severe in my grading, but experience has told me most films are, at best, slightly above average.

That's all we can hope for.

 

As noted in the inital post - Anyone can post film reviews in this thread.

[Vultural]

Pulp: A Film About Life, Death and Supermarkets - 2014 - 6/10

The Brit group stopped touring and playing in 2002.
Ten years later, Pulp decided to regroup and give a farewell concert to hometown Sheffield.
Doc avoids the typical career overview sweep.  Instead, catches up with members where they are now, walks through landscapes of Sheffield itself as well as the musical themes, and interviews many Sheffield residents (seems like the whole city plans to attend).

Highly entertaining, and you do not have to be a hardcore fan to enjoy.
Highlights include the numerous choral groups and glees singing favorite songs.

Edited May 27, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

Cutie And The Boxer - 2013 - 6/10

Painter Ushio Shinohara left Japan for New York back in the 70s for greater artistic freedom.
Though one of the best known painters of his generation, his reputation is still largely underground.
Doc shows him with his wife of 40 years, Noriko, an artist in her own right, whom he openly regards as the poorer artist.  “The lesser talent must serve the genius.”  One can guess how this attitude really chaps her.
Couple of sequences show him creating his trademark boxing paintings, paint-soaked material slammed into lengthy canvases.
Cult fame notwithstanding, the couple exist precariously in a leaky home, with New York sized bills and debilitating old age looming.

Edited May 26, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

Boogie Nights - 1997 - 7/10

Cowabunga!
Rise and fall and rise again of Dirk Diggler, inside the happy family of porn.
The 70s San Fernando Valley recreated in sweeping detail.
Costumes, soundtrack, hairstyles, even the Reseda opening shot (where I saw many a film), all were spot on.
Likewise, the laid back So Cal vibe, the hopeful insecurity of most of the characters.
Film seemed to run a bit long and was excessive, though, to be fair, excess defined the 70s.
Story also glossed over the predatory nature of the business.
Despite flaws, a wonderful movie, and a breakthrough for many young performers.

Recruiting on Hollywood -

Spoiler

Off Hollywood Boulevard, there used to be a huge magazine/newspaper stand.  Might still be there.
On display were newspapers from all 50 states.
Tourists would linger there, as well as kids who were lonely, broke, lost.
I was 19 and all that.  Within six months, I would have one foot in the gutter, but at the time I was still optimistic.
Men in sunglasses and gold chains prowled near the stand, evaluated the meat, made the offer.
“Hey, my man, you ever thought about being in movies?”
I only got it once, and I shrugged a no.  Don’t know why I got it, either, I was too thin.
Mostly girls, pretty girls, were approached.  I saw several follow the tout out of earshot, then talk.
Never saw them again.
Anyway, that magazine rack was prime hunting territory for fresh faced, homesick kids.
At least back in the 70's.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 26, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

You’ll Find Out - 1940 - 5/10

Wasted opportunity in this musical / comedy / horror / mystery mishmash.
Old dark mansion, perched on a cliff over a pounding surf, under thunder and lightning skies, provide the setting for young girl’s 21st birthday party.
Kay Kyser and his Kollege Of Musical Knowledge provide the entertainment, and is also, sadly, the chief focus of the film.
Kyser and bandmates seem too old for their slapstick and silly antics.  Musical numbers are unmemorable.
Plot creeps along, the humor is flat out corny.
Rather young and earnest Dennis O'Keefe (future Noir stalwart) is underused.
The three main villains, though, really shine.  They steal every single scene, and effortlessly ooze the sinister, the conniving, the scheming.

Edited May 27, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

Velvet Goldmine - 1998 - 7/10

Rousing film about glam superstar, based loosely (ha!) on David Bowie and Iggy Pop, steeped in the blood of Oscar Wilde.
Rise of folkie into glam rocker, peaking into Ziggy Stardust character, then disappearing.
Powerful cast with Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, Ewan MacGregor, and a young Christian Bale.
Terrific soundtrack, too, as young reporter, searching for vanished rocker, slides down the rabbit hole.
And who the hell is Jack Fairy?

Edited May 26, 2020 by Vultural