Recommend a movie

[Vultural]

Jodorowsky’s Dune - 2013 - 6/10

Documentary about the failed attempt to film Herbert;’s “Dune” by outsider filmmaker, Alejandro Jodorowsky, in 1975 - years before the 1984 Lynch version.
The pitch, which was a telephone sized book, was fully story-boarded by French artist Mœbius.
Other members of the creative team included the little known Giger, Chris Foss and Dan O’Bannon.
The tentative cast included David Carradine, Orson Welles, Mick Jagger, Salvador Dali, Gloria Swanson.
Missing anyone?  Oh yeah, music by Magma and Pink Floyd.
Numerous interviewees discuss conception, building the foundation, then the collapse of the project.
Jodorowsky, while not bitter, does blame corporate Hollywood and lack of artistic vision.
Problem is, the 70s was one of the most experimental and free-wheeling decades in film.
What they balked at was a 15 hour film by an unknown director whose three films were well beyond the outer fringe of the arthouse sphere.
Arguments about how great Jodorowsky’s Dune would have been fail to fully factor the director’s past track record.  Simply put, this would not have been Star Wars.
The creative team went on to acclaim with Alien and beyond.
One might assume I did not like this.  No.  This is constantly interesting, I simply found too many of the presumptions flawed.

[Vultural]

Roboshark - 2015 - 5/10

Yeah, murdering more of my brain cells.
One could argue this is one of the better Bulgarian films, though I must confess this is my first.
Alien spaceship sends pods down to earth.  One splashes into Pacific and is swallowed by shark.
Before you know it, that shark is transformed into ...
I thought this would be cheap knock-off of the preeminent Sharknado epics, but this boasted perhaps better characters and a stream of SciFi in-jokes.
When the military gave Roboshark’s current coordinates, I laughed.
The girls next to me asked, and I said,  “Map coordinates, THX1138,”  and explained.
Later Admiral (wonderfully done, by the way) declares,  “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”
Billionaire computer mogul, Bill Glates, enters the fray.  The power of social media is revealed.
Silly nonsense, set in “Seattle,” with stray Cyrillic signs here and there.

[Vultural]

Sandy Denny: Under Review - 2006 - 5/10

A very underrated, and sadly increasingly forgotten, singer from the 60s and 70s.
Denny sang on several acclaimed albums for Fairport Convention, later Fotheringay.
This was a career documentary film, not a personal one.  Denny's demons, insecurities and substance problems were barely addressed.
To those who are still scratching their heads, Denny was the only artist ever to guest on a Led Zeppelin album.
"Battle Of Evermore."
In 78, she fell down a staircase, struck her head, and died within a month.
Sad to say, this documentary seemed more geared for diehard fans.

[Vultural]

Criminal Lovers - 1999 - 6/10
AKA - Les amants criminels

Another French film of young love.
Pair of high school teens commit a grisly murder, then go on the run.
Fleeing into the forest, they break into an isolated cabin.
The woodsman returns, overpowers both, and drags them into a deranged version of Hansel and Gretel.
Starvation and force feeding commences, since the man prefers girls rail thin and boys plump and soft.
Flashbacks of school days alternate with soapy water, bondage and escalating violations.
Frightening film by François Ozon never flinches from the brutality the teens dispense, yet includes scenes that remind viewers that they pair are, in many ways, barely out of childhood.
Absolutely not for the squeamish.

[Vultural]

Ian Fleming - Where Bond Began - 2008 - 7/10

Excellent documentary of the writer, focusing on his newspaper years (where he learned his craft) and WWII service in Naval Intelligence (where he saw firsthand the world of espionage).
Enjoyable for Bond buffs, though this is not about 007, but the creator.
In a delicious irony, Fleming’s voiceover is done by Jonathan Pryce (AKA: Elliot Carver).
Joanna Lumley, a sometimes cheeky presenter, was a Bond girl, and was in The New Avengers.
Much of this will be interesting to newcomers, and the history is more accurate than 2014‘s Fleming.

[Vultural]

Everest - 2015 - 7/10

Based on the 1996 summit expedition where eight lost their lives.
Film excels at revealing the preparation, support staff, and Wild Westish camps.
Also showing how crowded and competitive Everest tourism has become.
Affluent tourists, to be sure, yet many, many of them.  Too many.
Tour guides know as many as possible must reach the top.  Otherwise, future bookings will suffer.
Breathtaking photography, mostly in the Himalayas, though not 100%.
Interesting Making-Of doc reveals backdrops (eg: lift chairs).
Admirable, and a good companion to 2010‘s The Wildest Dream.

[Vultural]

Midnight In Paris - 2011 - 8/10

Great looking film, where fantasy clashes with perception.
Owen Wilson plays man out of step with his time, as well as scorned by future in-laws.
When his fiancee’s old flame surfaces, Wilson prowls a bygone lane.
And finds himself stumbling into an inventive slip stream.
Literary in-jokes abound. and the MacGuffin time skip a wonderful touch.
A good hearted film, worth checking out, even if you are not an Allen buff.
The writer director has grown more hit n miss of late, but this is one of his best.

[Vultural]

Louisiana Hussy - 1959 - 4/10

Laugh out loud trash of hip swaying female in small swamp village.
Movie opens as a girl wearing tight slacks skedaddles out of a house, hops on a horse and giddyaps away.
Hollering menfolk, one shooting a pistol, chase after her to no avail.
Next scene, one of a pair of feuding brothers finds her out in the swamp while he’s out harvesting Spanish moss.
Sign outside his shack reads:  Fish - Fur - Moss.  A job is a job, I suppose.
Sooner than you can say,  “Is it warm in here or what?”  that female, the above mentioned “hussy” is digging her claws into barebacked men doing the horizontal hokey poke.
Generally to a sludgy blues score.
Late flashbacks reveal more men (surprise) and carnal wickedness.

This gem is like forty-eight ways bad, from acting to dialogue to editing to fisticuffs to overall structure.
Scenes are often inserted during a lull or exposition that have no bearing whatsoever to the story.
Like fifteen seconds of shack tramp grinding the Twist in her white bra and half slip.
Or when she strips naked and goes skinny dippin’.
For trash fans, this is a glorious film!  Jaw dropping lunacy abounds.
While I have a soft spot for hard blondes, actress Nan Peterson falls short in the bottled department, though she has an expressive feral-like face that really propels this winner.

[Vultural]

The Phantom - 2009 - 4/10

On the shelf, this film, which I just heard about, looked godawful.
Of course I grabbed it.
Turned out to be a two part mini series. Busted pilot that never got picked up.
Lots of mistakes for an action film. The action being mostly chases. Running, running, more running.
The main character was an irritating clone of Hayden Christensen's version of Anakin Skywalker.
The new uniform made him look more like a visitor from planet Womble.
Billy Zane tried to reboot this ancient strip back in 1996. His version was 70 minutes shorter than this runfest.
The Phantom, The Shadow, Flash Gordon, icons from the 1930s, have resisted modern updating.
Nice sets.  Zzzzzzzz

[Vultural]

Slither - 2006 - 6/10

Campy alien invasion yarn that mines Invasion Of The Body Snatchers, Night Of The Living Dead, Alien, and too many other films to reference.
Meteor lands in woods outside small Southern town (filmed in Canada), except said meteor is not empty.
In a burg stuffed with rednecks and mush mouths, the “invader” picks the first curious human.
From then on, the campaign of conquest and expand launches.
Earth is doomed!
Dialogue runs savage funny, insensitive, crude.  Political correctness monitors - run!
Gore - slime - children in danger (ain’t no marines in this, either) - not enough nudity - orifice seeking slug-like invaders - and unforgettable scenes of a 'bout to bust mommy and tentacle sex.
Would rank this a point higher, except the jokes and invention flagged near the finish.

[Vultural]

I Smile Back - 2015 - 7/10

Well acted across the board, but depressing, disturbing film of mental illness.
Mom (outstanding Sarah Silverman) drinks, pops pills, snorts lines, prowls for men who like doggie.
Stunts and reckless behavior to break the numbness.
Not shown, but probably when she’s on lithium.
When she skips the lith, she swings from belligerent to utterly withdrawn.
Childhood demons might be a cause, or it might be genetic.
Family and friends are trapped with her, or swirling near the edge of her whirlpool.
This is about a soul in a tunnel with no light at either end.

[Vultural]

Middle Men - 2009 - 6/10

Eye candy galore in film about the rise of the Internet porn industry.
Two dysfunctional geek whizzes devise encrypted payment tools to view skin.
Then they get some Russian backers.
Luke Wilson is the corporate fixer who smooths the kinks, allowing Internet porn, as we know it, to flourish.
Subplots with FBI, terrorists, marital problems, and murders, doodle around but don't drag the pace too much.

[Vultural]

The Danish Girl - 2015 - 6/10

Unsteady biopic of transgender pioneer, “inspired” by Einar Wegener ] ] Lili Elbe.
30s Danish artist goes from modeling female costumes for his artist wife, then cross-dressing at soirees.
Finally, he decides he was mis-born male and tries to convince medical types he is not insane.
Extremely earnest and correct film rings false on a few fronts.
One, the history is inaccurate - hence the “inspired” tag.
Wegener/Elbe was not the first operation, that was Dora R in 1921.
Eddie Redmayne, exceptional as Stephen Hawking in The Theory Of Everything, here is either miscast of suffers atrocious pancake makeup.
Not once could I accept him as female, transgender or cross-dresser.
This reminds me of gay cinema of the early 70s (eg: The Boys In The Band).
Heavily viewed, embraced.  Entertainment quotient - broccoli.

[Vultural]

Crimson Peak - 2015 - 5/10

 
Another discouraging step in Guillermo Del Toro’s decline.
Breathtaking set design, top tier actors, lavish, symbolic costumes.
All for naught in moralistic ghost story, that would have been quaint and corny 100 years ago.
Impoverished English baronet woos rich American heiress.
He whisks her away from gorgeous full colour hues of New York to somber greys of remote England.
The mansion, while beautiful, is cracked, rotting and has a roof hole possibly twenty meters wide.
Snow - leaves - rain falls from outside to the lowest basement.
Any normal human would have put a tarp over the opening at the very least!
The plot - if you are so charitable - is a blend of House Of Usher, Angels & Insects, Notorious.
CGI ghosties are laughably un-scarey.
Sad to see so much money and talent squandered on an inferior live action cartoon.

[Vultural]

Ladies and Gentlemen,
The Fabulous Stains - 1982 / 2008 - 5/10

Obscure, punk flick that played in a few theaters, then disappeared until 2008.
Young Diane Lane leads the Stains, a punk girl group, with Laura Dern.
The group begins ragged (think Shaggs), improves as they lose credence, wind up glossy MTV icons.
A fading, headlining 60s group features Fee Waybill (The Tubes).
A rival opening act has Paul Cook & Steve Jones (Sex Pistols), and Paul Simonon (Clash).
Not a bad movie, pleasant time spinner.

[Vultural]

Last Knights - 2015 - 5/10

I noted Clive Owen and Morgan Freeman and I crossed my fingers, hoping they weren't slumming.
Did not work.  Multi-national action film, aimed for non-demanding young males.
The Lord of the North (snow on ground) is summoned to the capital for e****tion.
He refuses to pay the bribe, chastises onlookers in throne room, meets predictable fate.
No - it has a vibe going, but Knights is not a Game Of Thrones clone.
His realm is appropriated, honour disgraced, warriors scattered like winter leaves.
Then, said warriors bide their time - and wait - and wait.
Yes - a remake of Chūshingura, 47 Rpnin, countless other films, Kabuki, ballet ...
Once I recognized the story, I prepared for the long, slow middle.
Darkness and shadows disguise shortcomings, and there is too much slow motion in battles.
I could knock this around, but it is not meant to be a classic.
For derivative vengeance popcorn, it’s OK.  Final fifteen minutes should please combat fans.

[Vultural]

La Cérémonie - 1995 - 7/10

Disturbing psychological thriller based on Ruth Rendell novel.
Distracted wife interviews maid applicant, explains duties, gives a tour of the house.
Does or does not run background check.
The maid, it is revealed, has one glaring shortcoming, which gnaws at her more than anything.
Maid falls under the influence of busybody mail clerk,
and the two females bond over resentments, secrets, worries, and grudges.
Tension is controlled tighter and tighter until the last reel.
One of Claude Chabrol’s more accessible films.
Huppert and Bonnaire pitch perfect as amoral pair.

[Vultural]

Mega Python Vs Gatoroid - 2011 - 3/10

Cautionary tale of interfering with Nature, co-starring - and co-produced by - those acclaimed thespians
Debbie Gibson and Tiffany.
Quite awful CGI alligators and pythons, both the size of buildings, chomp it out.
Speaking of size, Tiffany put on a couple of pounds, most in the cleavage midfield. When she appears, the camera seems drawn in by gravity.
Ex Monkee Mickey Dolenz shows up as ex Monkee Mickey Dolenz.
Viewers should also be forewarned of a couple of songs by our leads.

Note - At the counter, I excitedly waved this winner at the staff. No one had heard of either Debbie or Tiffany.
Another "you're getting old" moment.

[Vultural]

Cheerful Weather For The Wedding - 2012 - 6/10

Unexpected guest arrives at the bride’s family house the day of her wedding.
Her old flame.  Invited by the bride.
Love story of the girl who waited, and the boyfriend who waited possibly too long.
Story is laced with regret, longing, errors recognized, and unconfessed feelings.
Large family with identifiable types:  those who adore nuptials, those who would rather drink.
Set in 1932 over what seems like less than a year.

The “lovers’” history is told in flashbacks and is shown in golden hour.
Plot never unrolls as expected.  One is also left with a question or two.

Not necessarily a chick flick, but enjoyment may depend on one’s tolerance for:
1) It’s my prerogative to change my mind
2) I don’t make a decision until the last minute -- sometimes after.
I live with both types and have been trained to shift gears in an instant

[Vultural]

Ghost In The Shell - The Movie - 2015 - 6/10

Bit misleading title, “the movie” which the unwary might see as the ScarJo vehicle, still in pre-production.
This falls after the “Arise” series and leads into the 1995 classic.
Major Kusanagi, Batou, most the of the squad embroiled with terror plots, assassinations, cyber-virus.
Always with this series, a fair amount of talking and philosophizing about the collective datastream.
Visuals are great, if now perhaps a little familiar.
The plot bounds along, often shifting scenes and gears abruptly.
Enjoyable, though choppy.
Not the best entry for newcomers.  Best to start with the '95 or wait for the live action - supposedly 2017.