Recommend a movie

[Vultural]

Serial (Bad) Weddings - 2014 - 6/10
AKA - Qu'est-ce Qu'on A Fait au Bon Dieu

Forced French comedy of traditional Gaullist, Catholic family marrying off three daughters.
To a Muslim, to a Jew, to a Chinese.  Brace yourself for tasteless jokes.
Daughter number four, the parents pray and pray and pray, will marry a nice Catholic man.
Lo and behold, she gets engaged to a nice Catholic man, only she neglects to tell parents he is black.
Lot of stereotyping in this movie, politically incorrect humor, silly misunderstandings.  Very dated.
Focus is on diverse males and pissing contest behaviour, females little more than afterthoughts.
While I didn’t care for this, others around the Net rated this major laughs.

[Vultural]

The Gorgon - 1964 - 6/10

Atmospheric Horror film with Cushing and Lee.
Teutonic village plagued during full moon when some hapless victim turned stone.
Why was the Gorgon in that village to begin with?
One of several unanswered questions in handsome, albeit lethargic, Hammer production.
Well thought out set design with grays and slate exteriors to match the stone and rock motif.
Interiors awash in intense colours, hallmark of the Technicolpr process.
Reason I noted all that was because the pace was slow - slow - slow.
Minutes pass as characters methodically walk about those crafted sets.
Cushing mostly seen in first half of film, Lee in second.
For Dr Who fans, head of police was Patrick Troughton.
Fine for classic film buffs, might put modern fans to sleep.

[Vultural]

Agatha Raisin: The Quiche Of Death - 2014 - 6/10

Possible pilot that aired during the holidays.
Mystery, murder and comedy in the Cotswolds, with London press agent moving to the sticks.
The village seems 95% Caucasian, 100% rich (who else can afford those homes?) and they are having an annual cooking competition.  In order to fit in, our newcomer decides to enter and win ... by any means.
Yes, good way to score points, claim the trophy.
Only murder surfaces, as do suspects, countless bang the weasel infidelities, backstabbing tongues, you name it.
Of course, being a city gal, and blonde know-it-all, Miss Raisin starts sleuthing.
Easy, predictable ... like watching “Midsomer Murders” lite.

[Vultural]

Troll Hunter - 2010 - 6/10

Someone is killing bears in Norway.  Only specific hunters are granted a license, and they suspect illegal poaching.
One van in particular which is battered all to hell and reeks of stench, draws their gaze.
College students, filming a documentary, pick up on the whispers and begin to trail the van and its bearded, unfriendly occupant.
The deeper into forests they drive, the more secrets and legends they uncover.

Generally, I dislike “found footage” films.  Lazy filmmaking.  Boring pace, ignorant (read stupid) characters, less than amateurish photography.
None of those flaws apply here.
The narrative moves along, lingering to explain as needed.  Student filmmakers seem normal, not stereotyped templates.  Moreover, main character Hans, the hunter, is focused and decisive.  He always knows where he is going and why.  Finally, the cinematography is well done.  Troll Hunter resembles an actual documentary, rather than spit and paste slapdash.

I can’t label this a Horror film, those seeking frights and chills will be disappointed.
Good popcorn movie, nonetheless.

Edited April 6, 2020 by Vultural

[Vultural]

Un Baiser s'il vous Plaît - 2007 - 7/10
AKA - A Kiss, If You Please
AKA - Shall We Kiss?

Uneasy French comedy that straddles the line between awkward and guilt.
A couple meet one morning, make a connection, go on a perfect date - a long perfect date, wind up having a drink in her hotel room.  Along the way, we realize both are in relationships.
He requests a kiss - she declines.  Instead, she offers a story of the consequences of the innocent kiss.

The couple were platonic best friends.  She was married, he had relationships.
They had always had chemistry, however.  The flame never died.
Why did they never date?  Marry?  Unexplained.
Eventually they did make tentative, fumbling moves in that direction yielding to an explosion of passion.
This half of the film innocent, goofy and funny.  Before the guilt and fallout.
Most in the room enjoyed the first half, all giggles and accelerating heartbeats.  Second half, not so much.
Comedy with a bitter aftertaste.
Restrained, almost symbolic set design if you notice those things.

[Vultural]

Angel Guts - Red Classroom - 1979 - 6/10

Second, and arguably most acclaimed installment of the rather sordid series.
Editor of  magazine runs across an old stag reel featuring an assault reenactment.
The acting was so realistic, especially from the victim, the editor decides to track her down.
Find her he does, working at a love hotel (hot sheets joint), and he offers to feature her in a quality photo shoot.
During discussion, he realizes the line between acting and acted upon had been crossed during that stag film.
Also, he realizes she has become one damaged, very broken soul.
Nik****su Roman Porno, so expect high percentage of nudity, fair amount of violence, and numerous joustings.
Also, because of tight Japanese censorship, expect the strategically placed flower vase, stick of furniture, casually tossed pillow.  For all the excessive gropings and sobbings, you will have a perfect idea just what is going on -- you just won’t get to see it.

[Vultural]

Love Is Strange - 2014 - 6/10

After living together 30+ years, a male couple decide to tie the knot and get married.
Soon thereafter, the one who is employed is fired because of a “morals clause?”  Is that even legal?
They cannot afford their New York rent, they have zilch in savings, so they split up.
One moves in with family, the other with friends.
Pleasant enough film that predominantly tracks the older partner’s path within his nephew’s home.
Film suffers a lot of major flaws - men in their 60s with no savings - first solution is to split up.
Not the spoil anything, but the ending struck me as fake and an emotional cheat.

[Vultural]

Black Coal, Thin Ice - 2014 - 7/10

Two Chinese cops investigate severed body parts found on a coal conveyer belt.
They zero in on suspects then the entire case literally explodes in front of them.
Jump ahead five years.  The detectives are apart, yet the old file has revived.
Challenging procedural, definitely not for ADD viewers.
Photography is flat, there are no flashy forensic solutions.
Just cops following thin leads and aberrant behaviour.
Movie assumes the audience has enough intelligence to follow a story, rather then being fed one.

[Vultural]

What If - 2014 - 7/10

Tart romantic comedy.
Couple meet at a party, chat, drift away, but leave together so he walks her home.
She doesn’t invite him inside, advising her boyfriend will be so worried.
Instead, she writes down her phone number and says “call me.”
Oh yeah, whatever.
Still, being squarely in the romantic genre, they do succumb to natural attraction and become buddies.
Each is on the other’s friend shelf.
Dialogue driven film, rather clever dialogue, with characters who are career professionals, who don’t want to cause or inflict emotional carnage, but who also don’t want to miss out on the real thing.
Good date film.  Know thyself, though.  These are not giggling twenty year olds, nor is the film aimed at that crowd.

[Vultural]

Ladies They Talk About - 1933 - 6/10

Barbara Stanwyck in Pre-Code women in prison flick.
Moll used as decoy while gang pulls off bank heists.
Only she gets caught and sent to the slammer.
San Quentin seems nicer than most caged womens’ pens.
The matron and assistant matron are no-nonsense, but sympathetic wardens.
Jailbirds listen to records, read, play cards.  Hardest duty is laundry.
Stanwyck displays gentle and rotten streaks side by side.
Her loyalty to her old gang is paramount, though, which places her outside redemption.
At barely an hour, film loaded with plotlines, twists, romance, and razor edged dialogue.
For all that, not essential Pre-Code.

[Vultural]

October Gale - 2014 - 6/10

Recently widowed doctor goes to her remote family cottage out on an island.
Grieves, tidies up, reminisces.
Twenty minutes into the film, she sees an intruder crawling across the floor, gunshot wound to his shoulder.
Who shot him?  Why?  How did he get to the remote island?  In the middle of a storm, no less.
Thriller, only in the loosest sense as the plot plods along with limited action.
Good looking photography, minimal dialogue, low-key characters with underdeveloped motivations.
Story never went anywhere, and watching seemed barely more than a waste of my time.

[Vultural]

Blood Of The Mummy’s Tomb - 1971 - 5/10

Large cast of familiar Hammer players wasted in Egyptian reincarnation theme.
Professor’s beautiful daughter keeps having dreams about Egyptian princess, with whom she bears an uncanny resemblance.  The mummy, in the care of the professor, is stunningly preserved.  No moldy, rotting strips of cloth.  Nope.  The dead princess wears a few radiant silks and gold jewelry covering strategic areas.  Otherwise, she is all flawless skin and most of that exposed.
The plot is stale formula, pace is lethargic, most of the sets quite cheap looking, camera work static.
Definitely not up the usual Hammer standards.  Watchable if alternatives are shopping channel or reality TV.

[Vultural]

Magic In The Moonlight - 2014 - 6/10

Woody Allen film set in 1928 Europe.
Colin Firth plays magician asked to debunk a female mentalist / hoaxer.
Mentalist is quite pretty and an uneasy romance beckons.
Picture Houdini wooing a Zeigfield Follies girl.
Gorgeous sets, costumes, vintage music.
The 1928 date was a loaded time utterly ignored (Wall Street Crash was 1929 - Hitler became chancellor in 1933).
Likewise the realization that this entire world of gardens and country houses is a breath away from extinction.
Plot remains feather light throughout.
Not to spoil anything, but the narrative faltered in the third act.  Badly.
Before that misstep I had been enjoying the movie.
At its core, keep in mind, this is a magic show.
Allen delivers a successful pledge, a very poor turn, and no prestige.

[Vultural]

The Rewrite - 2014 - 6/10

Being rather generous here, scoring a 6 for stale goods.
Hugh Grant plays washed up Hollywood screenwriter who accepts teaching position in upstate New York.
He is supposed to select his class by reading over 100 thirty page screenplays.
Instead he checks social profiles and chooses a room full of hotties and two male geeks.
No competition then, for him in his role of Lord Of The Thighs.
A series of glaring social faux pas alienates fellow instructors and students.  (All that rang false and forced.)
Though technically in the rom com genre, this is lightweight in romance and comedy.

[Vultural]

Throwback - 2013 - 4/10

Noticed this dubious winner on the shelf, read terrible reviews.
Grabbed it anyway.  Marshmallow for brains here.
Of particular note was writer / director / producer = same name.
Likewise producer / star.  Small cast alert.
Australian bush prospectors are hunting for lost treasure of legendary Thunderclap Newman.
They find treasure relatively easily, but then they get found by the Yowie.
Think Sasquatch, Bigfoot, Yeti.  Huge furry creature who must be miserable under the Australia sun.
Beautiful photography cannot overcome dreadful editing.  Almost every single scene goes on two - three beats too long.  Whole film is padded.
Minimal verbal exchanges, which is OK, but also minimal action and no twists or decent story telling.

[Vultural]

Goltzius And Pelican Company - 2012 - 6/10

Warning!!  Serious arthouse alert!
Peter Greenaway film.  Those uninitiated to Mr Greenaway, beware.
In look and visual overload, this is much closer to Prospero’s Book rather than Cook, Thief, Wife, Lover.
17th century dramatist, scribe, bookbinder Goltzius approaches the Margrave of Alsace with the aim of illustrated book publication.
The first book will from the Old Testament, focusing on the salacious, the wicked, the steamy parables.
The Margrave asks to see the stories acted out first by Goltzius’ troupe, which they do - sans clothes.
As with other Greenaway films, there is copious nudity, full frontal, male and female.
Saturated colours, overlapping images, dense dialogue, multiple storylines, not to mention Biblical references and reenacting parables as pornography will be a challenging film for some.

[Vultural]

Natural City - 2003 - 7/10

Fabulous looking Korean SciFi, based on Dick’s “Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep.”
Not a Blade Runner remake or clone, though the story is set in a glossy, high tech dystopia.
Viewers will also recognize elements from Ghost In The Shell and Matrix, especially the stunt work.
The plot deals with renegade cyborgs breaking into a medical security facility to get data on human DNA.
Going against them are paramilitary combat troops, the MPs.
Brilliant marrying of live action and CGI, the latter not overdone.
Some of the action wire work struck me as repetitive, but that seems a minor quibble.
The real breakdown and flaw in the story occurs in the three quarters point, focusing on the love story between trooper R and his soon to expire cyborg girlfriend, Ria.
The love story has no depth, no resonance.  The cyborg, referred to as dolls, has the personality of a goldfish.
What does he see in her?  Not to spoil, but why does he betray fellow soldiers again and again for her?
The pointless love story undermines sympathy for the main character, and has generated countless bad ratings.

When I first watched this ten years ago, that failing was the main reason I disliked the film.
Recently, I thought of a solution and rewatched the movie.
This time, any shared scenes with R and Ria, I switched off the subs and their infantile dialogue, and imagined they at the very least conversed like adults or lovers.  Not a knuckle-dragger and his fembot.
For all this, an amazing looking film and decent actioner.

[Vultural]

Woman In Black - Angel Of Death - 2014 - 4/10

The cursed house out on the moors returns.
Timeline has moved to 1941.  London children are being relocated to escape the height of the Blitz.
Two women are in charge of about eight kids, one of whom was orphaned in a bomb raid the night before.
The younger woman senses something is the house is not quite right, and investigates noises in the middle of the night.  The nearby village offers hints, but that gets ignored in the story.
Children squabble, children perish.
Sadly, that pretty much describes the entire plot.
Scares are all gotcha stings, as you couldn’t care less about a single character.
Cheap, pathetic Horror film, that follows the laziest, sleaziest route - placing children in danger.
Writers, producers, director - all ought to be shunned for two years for that.
Clever photography masks shoddy sets and budget production values.
Ostensibly a Hammer film, it is dark and murky throughout.  None of the legendary Hammer colour here.

[Vultural]

J'ai Pas Sommeil - 1994 - 6/10
AKA - I Can’t Sleep

French arthouse territory.
Story tracks a young Lithuanian girl just arriving in Paris to visit great aunt.
Also, it transpires, to meet a playwright or producer who apparently offered her work (?).
Camera trails her around, as well as another immigrant working the transgender entertainment sphere.
Without spoiling the plot, there is sporadic police activity and surveillance throughout.
In the background, there is the third thread of a shadowy “granny killer.”
Absorbing study of the Parisian underbelly.
Not an especially “fun” film, yet it held my interest.
Betty Blue fans, Béatrice Dalle has supporting role.

[Vultural]

Vampyres - 1974 - 6/10

One of the best Hammer films never actually made by Hammer.
Two beautiful women prowl a lonely road from overgrown woods.
They stop passing cars, hitch a ride, and take them to a deserted manor house.
Wine flows, bit of bedroom romping, followed by slaughter.
Gory Horror with abundant nudity, sexy and erotic.
Filmed at Hammer’s house, Oakley Court by independent Essay, which might explain why there was much more blood and flesh.  Censors had a field day but current versions are fully uncut.
These are not elegant, romanticized vampires.  Their savageness seems typical of the excessive 70s.

Director Larraz’s audio commentary, in his heavily accented Spanish, is as enjoyable as the film itself.
He dishes the dirt of difficult players, and how much more graphic sex and violence he originally wanted.
Money problems, tight shooting schedules, distribution issues, thoughts on American vs European styles.
The version that finally passed he termed as the Vatican edit.
The film’s narrative drifts into incoherence at times, and he confesses a cool image was more important than plot.
Right on.